Thursday, January 26, 2017

Seeing Things


I was laying on my couch the other day, in a daze, thinking about how much I love our house, but also how weird it is; how when an appraiser came he said he thought it was odd, but I couldn't see it. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that stuff, I suppose, or love is blind

Then I was thinking about how we are fractured souls and how someday, when we die and our souls go off to heaven (or whatever's next), they will mend and all the fuzz and cobwebs we let cloud our vision will slip away and what's left of us will laugh at all the small things we let get in the way of a beautiful day. 

Maybe this is too deep and random for a Wednesday afternoon. I've been wanting to bring out the more humorous, less serious side of myself in my writing this year. I don't know if it's working. 

Today a mom from Mommy-and-Me Swim started talking to me in the lobby after class. "Does she fall asleep in the car afterwards?" she mused. I looked over my shoulder not once, but twice. I assumed she was talking to anyone else there but me. Before this question floated in the chlorine laced air for several silent seconds, I had decided that she didn't like me. It was because Avalon had pushed her daughter on the floaty mat once or because I carried a "trying too hard" vibe, I was convinced. She seemed to avoid eye contact at the very least. 

"Oh! Are you talking to me?" I said, like I would have in high school when I didn't have friends. She nodded and I answered that Avalon used to sleep in the car on the way home, but that she doesn't usually now. We talked about the swim class and how there was another gymnastics class down the street. She told me to "Take care" and that she'd "See me next week!". Of course there's that quote about assuming and making an ass out of yourself which usually applies to me, but this moment actually made me think about a quote my mom texted the family on Monday:

"We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are." Anais Nin

We are silly souls sometimes, aren't we? So concerned with the end result of being free or being happy or being skinny or being better at... cooking. I really need to clear some of these cobwebs off my soul now so I don't miss knowing other souls. 

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Shredding Before the Wedding


I didn't think of the title, Scott's Uncle Dave did. This is a video from the past weekend spent at Mammoth Mountain celebrating Scott's sister Kristen before she gets married in a month or so.

This is all I can say about it now, but there is more. I don't mean to be a tease or anything, I just mean that writing is always a process and part of that process sometimes involves trying to understand where you are after big life events take place. Anyways, to be continued. 

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Everything Ordinary


Do you ever feel like your life is exactly what you always wanted, but you're just too busy being a stupid human to revel in it? That's me this week. I am so in love with Avalon. She is my most favorite person that I've ever needed consistent breaks from. I'm so in love and yet, I want a new couch. I want a new table, I want to sleep in, I want to skateboard forever. I don't want to be away from her this weekend for a bachelorette party, or ever.

I interviewed a babysitter the other week though. I'm starting to think dragging Avalon to various appointments is more like having a tiny ferret to contain and occupy than an adorably dressed sidekick who is equally invested in knowing the latest information about my neck mole, while also winning over the grouchy receptionist. I'm sure it's not her idea of fun either.

I told the potential sitter that Avalon was 'really funny' when describing her and then, there we all were at the park awkwardly trying to decide if we wanted to keep knowing each other and she stared at Avalon (who was towing a maple leaves behind her thick as hides) and said "So, she's funny?" I could not describe why. "Well, um, she says please: ''Bees' and...she loves the washer and dryer and reading to her 'bebe' and climbing through the bottom of her training potty and...have I totally lost touch with what is actually funny?"

But you know what? I don't care. All those things I worried about happening to me as a mom when I thought I was young and cool enough, like driving a mini van or having worse hair, really don't concern me like I thought they should.

I never want to forget her this way. How her pupils are like moon-saucers that take up almost all of her eyes. How she knows the difference between a silly smile and a curious one. How she says "No!" like she is the head of the family and will make all our decisions going forth. How she dances to traditionally serious songs and lullabies like they're the Macarena, galloping in a circle and bouncing her fists in the air. How she lays her head on me so forcefully and so sweetly when I sing her bedtime song. How she says "WOW!" when she sees an iHop commercial or a really big dog walking down the street. How she calls dogs "Golly Golls", for some reason, and also thinks that is the noise they make ("woof, ruf, gollygoll!"). How she thinks it's funny to throw her baby doll and say "Uh oh!" like it was a complete accident. How she says "Burr" when she goes outside in the cold.

Yes, I suppose none of this is actually that funny, but it is a reminder that, even now as a self-obsessed, aging, loving, idiotic human, I am so thankful for ordinary days.

+Wishing you all a weekend full of them ♥.