Friday, June 30, 2017

2 Years of Avalon


Avalon,

I'm scheduling your two year checkup now, a tad later than I normally would because this is where my mind is now: on you and your new swim class and approaching school year, on our family and all the moving parts, on my lower back and how to kind of still sleep on my stomach. It's all a juggling act. It's all a cliche, to a degree.

I remember your very first appointment with your pediatrician. Our very first appointment as real parents living outside of the hospital with a real baby living outside of me. We made sure we wiped your booty shiny-clean and fed you immediately before. As two first borns raised in a society focused on milestones and test scores, a "Well Baby Appointment" for our four-day-old felt like something we could only pass or fail. Our first outing, as big and small as you were. 

Heading in before us was a mother of four, all kids in tow. I remember looking at her, a child in the stroller, two riding on a step behind it and one in her arms, in envious-awe. What we had done seemed like bird-sitting in comparison. There was a calm confidence to her that felt out of reach to me. The beauty of experience shone in her face, a wisdom that only comes from learning how to push through hard things without becoming bitter. 

Now here I am almost two years later at the same doctor's office waiting to take a one hour glucose test I don't know I'm about to fail, giving off the vibe of do not sit next to me. Mine is not quite the confidence that woman had that day, but there is something in my eyes and posture now that wasn't there before. My first child is home with a sitter eating lunch in her underwear. I have downed the sugar drink and am reading a book. I know the library Story Hour schedule. I know where to park at the aquarium. I know how to make dinner with a toddler pulling down my shorts and dumping out all the mixing bowls. I am better at asking for help when I need it. I know how to take care of you and myself.

You gave that confidence to me little bug. My girl born amidst summer thunderstorms. You're always making us better. You're always making this world seem bigger.

Happy birthday wild one.

Love,
Mama and Daddy 

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8 comments:

  1. I remember when my second one was born meeting a woman who'd just had her third. She was talking about how they would all have to get out the door in the morning for the school run at 8.15am. At the time I couldn't get myself and one child ready before 10am, and even that was a bit of a stretch. I remember thinking, 'How on earth will that be possible?'. I hope Avalon had a lovely birthday. Look after yourself Devon. CJ xx

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    1. I always love your anecdotes CJ. And now here you are with 3 kids and a dog and a beautiful garden doing amazingly and inspiring other moms like me. Thanks for the birthday wish for Avalon! Enjoy your weekend!

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  2. How sweet! I love this. Happy Birthday, Avalon!

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  3. This is a beautiful letter! Your writing is so raw and your daughter is very lucky! Aren't those glucose tests terrible? I failed the first one as well. Hope you faired better if you had to take it again and if not, everything will be fine. -Jen

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    1. This is so sweet-thank you Jen! I had to take the 3 hour, but luckily I passed it. The same thing happened to me when I was pregnant with Avalon.

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  4. Beautiful dev! Happy birthday Avalon!!!! - Gabby

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  5. I was nodding along to this whole post. I very vividly remember that first doctors appointment with Aiden too. I was so scared to leave the house with him. Your second definitely gets a more confident version of you, but there is something so sweet about your first and learning things together. Happy 2nd birthday to your beautiful girl!

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