Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Rolling Stones


I've had very memorable surf sessions lately. Maybe it's because the water is so cold that they are frozen into my brain, but I think it's my new board. The thing slices through cold winter waves like one of those fancy knives artfully ices a cake. It's that, or that I know how to appreciate each fleeting moment more; the simple mundane beauty of grey water and grey sky and time to myself with both.

The other morning Scott, my dad and I paddled out at a near 6.0 foot tide with swell of the same height; the waves smashing into the cliffs and washing back out to sea like they were part of an assembly line. Most of the beach is a smooth pile of rocks lately. They look even more vibrant when the water soaks into them like a fresh coat of lacquer. You'd never know one of these rocks was sage green or robin's egg blue unless it was soaking wet.

That session made me feel like my eyes were half closed because all of the elements were bearing down on them. It all felt spooky, the shaper, Chris, who made my new board, appearing through the fog like a zombie in a horror movie. It all felt right too, watching my dad slide across a mountain of water in slow motion thanks to my numb eyes. Avalon and my mom were watching from the cliff practicing yoga and using boogie wipes. Scott was in his element with surfing at the forefront of his mind. 

I've been having wild dreams again: Aunt Liz' cabin, alternate endings to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, imaginary indoor skateparks on mountaintops in Oregon.

My mind in the day feels nearly as frozen as my body has lately. I was sick a few weeks ago in the kind of way where my mom had to be there. I could not get up, I could not make Cheerios. Although, there is maybe another reason my mind has been paused: There is a baby. The kind that makes you sick because chicken has skin, nervous to twist your back and hopeful that something so surreal is actually natural.

There is a baby the size of a lime waiting to see the world in September. When I think about where my mind has been, it's there, focused in, focused forward, wondering where we're going next. 

Avalon is done nursing. She won't drink any other form of milk so far and there is some messed-up part of me that is super flattered by that. 

My life right now is small murmurs of 'Mama' after a nap. It's wanting to buy nothing but bread and couscous and apples at the grocery store. It's an ultrasound and a swimming baby; closing my eyes to focus on a heartbeat I've never heard before. It's making new friends, loving old ones like comfort blankets, needing both so earnestly; Avalon's running, climbing, growing feet, her new whine. It's Scott's new snore and watching the movie Lion and bawling because I've always wanted to adopt too.

Our life is all these small moments like the stones on the beach, washing around, crashing together, being misplaced, forgotten and then found again, washed off, shining in the sun.
//

+p.s. the pictures of Avalon's room demonstrate how I am dealing with the anxiety associated with intense change, I mean *nesting*. I re-organized her clothes and made a drawer for Skip's (what we're calling the fetus this time). I re-did the mobile and hanging pictures. These are 1930s pictures of Avalon Harbor in Catalina from a dear friend.
+my wetsuit is by roxy from wetsuit wearhouse. It has gotten me through this winter of rain and reminded me of the brightness of both winter and spring.
+other things to note: the morning sickness has been bad, but not nearly as bad as it could be. I basically just feel sea sick from noon on. We might find out the baby's gender this time, but we haven't officially decided. We have zero names if it's a boy. Please help!
+finally, thank you for being here reading and supporting, as always. 
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17 comments:

  1. Devon, that's BRILLIANT news, congratulations to you all. How exciting! Sorry you've been feeling ghastly, I hope the nausea passes before too long. I always liked Rafferty for a boy. Don't know why I didn't use it myself in fact! And the other thing I was going to say before you mentioned your little lime was, how cool is your dad?! Very impressed with him being out there surfing. Look after yourself sweetie, take it easy if you can. Sending you a big smiley cyber hug, CJ xx

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    1. Thank you CJ! It feels so good to have the news out and a part of my online writing. I love the name Rafferty! I actually added Raffi to the list just yesterday, but it was nixed a little too soon for my liking, heh. Sending a virtual hug right back!

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    2. Yes, the same thing happened to me. I liked Raffi and Ralph (pronounced Rafe) but was told 'no'. CJ xx

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  2. Congratulations! Your writing is always so vivid and alluring. It stays with me for a long time. I was wondering if you could share where the birds in the beautiful mobile are from? I love all of it!

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    1. Thank you Rose! This means so much! The birds are actually from a small shop here in San Diego called "Solo". I actually got them years ago when I was teaching. This isn't quite the same, but I think these Colin Adrian stained glass feathers are beautiful and whimsical as well.... https://meusshop.com/collections/homedecor/products/colin-adrian-glass-feathers

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  3. Amazing news! I truly enjoy following your adventures through your beautiful words and pictures. Thank you for sharing them with us!

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    1. Thank you Kendrick...and cool name :)!

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  4. Hello! Avid reader her who's never commented before :) But today, your first 2 sentences made me laugh so I just had to share. Lifes been kinda hectic lately (relationships/work/life) so I decided it was a great time for me to learn how to surf (Im great at avoiding life) So I booked a flight to LA and planned to rent a car and drive down to San Diego and sign up for a class at a surfing school. Everything was set... until a coworker mentioned the water temperature in San Diego. I knew it wasnt going to kill me to surf in cold water, but i also didnt that to be my first experience. Anyways, long story short- I cancelled the trip to SD and am now tagging a long with a friend who is Hawaii for work instead. HAWAII!! Im going to learn how to surf in Hawaii. Suddenly the pain in my back was gone and my heads a bit lighter. Anyways, THANK YOU for your heartfelt writing and your beautiful photos. It makes all the difference in my day, it really does.

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    1. Hi Cindy,

      Thank you so much for being here and for this encouraging and thoughtful note. I hope you know, this made a difference in my day (and life) too. I'm so excited to hear about your adventure! Hawaii will be a much better place to learn how to surf this time of year. The water temperatures here in San Diego are in the mid 50s, which is actually a lot colder than it sounds. Whereabouts in Hawaii?I hope you'll come back to share more about your journey. What a brave thing to go and do! Wishing you all the best!

      Devon

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  5. Dev, your writing never disappoints. So glad you still find the time and desire. I LOVE walking through your world and that beautiful head of yours. Baby news gave me goosebumps. Here is a few names I take a shine to, Fisher, Silas and Thaddeus. Perhaps that can spur some ideas. My pet name list is much longer and a bit more sacred. Here is the weather lately in Minnesota-Yesterday all snow melted and river is just starting to have open water due to 60 degree tepms. I opened my bathroom window wide while I scrubbed my tub with chemicals. Today I will go to grocery and stock up on food, tp and laundry soap because we will get rain then "they say" lots of snow. The salt on the roads are by now gone, so this makes for tricky driving. We live in a river valley so everything is a little up or down hill. This is where my clean tub will be a nice place to light and candle and scroll through images of landscapes and planters on pinterest.
    Lots of warm wishes to you and your adorable family~ Andrea

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    1. Hi Andrea,

      Thank you! I love those names! Fisher and Silas have been on my mind too. I bet your short list is good. Thanks for the weather report. You know me well. I actually saw something on The Today Show this morning showing all the unexpected places that are warmer than California right now, heh. We've been getting so much rain, which I'm actually really glad about. Hopefully we'll be out of this drought by the end of the season. Enjoy the sun... and the tub!

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  6. I always, always feel like I'm reading an amazing story when I come to read your entry. I was so lost in your words I didn't even catch the baby news for a second, it was like a rush of cold water or when something crazy happens-or SPOILER ALERT-when I was reading Gone Girl and I turn the next page and realize she is alive, she is doing the talking-that kind of surprise, but a good one! How exciting for you guys! I have always loved the name Coveland for a boy, and I would want to call him Cove. Sending positive vibes/prayers your way for a smooth pregnancy! xo

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    1. Thank you Miranda! Wow, what a nice thing to say. That means more than you know. I know what you mean about Gone Girl and the surprise, although I've only seen the movie. Wow, Coveland is a rad name! Thank you for sharing it! I have a friend named Cortland and I've always thought that name was cool. Thanks for the prayers and vibes and note and name! xo

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  7. DEVON!!!!! I am so thrilled for you I could cry. I hope your morning sickness calms down soon. I'm sure you're feeling all the anxiety and nerves, but you're going to be amazing at this.

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    1. GiRl! Haha, oh man, you kind of knew, didn't you? Thank you for this. I'm gonna need your mamma humor, advice and support through this!

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  8. Congratulations, Devon! I come to your blog for peace and always leave inspired.

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    1. Thank you so much Danielle! That's so nice of you to say! <3

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