Thursday, March 3, 2016

The Answer to: How Are You?


Sometimes I don’t write because I simply don’t want to feel that deeply that day. I just want to walk around my neighborhood and watch the sun set with strangers. I want to surf and pretend it’s really important that I get good waves and ride them with proper form. I want to act like what I make for dinner is a significant decision. I want to take artsy pictures of palm trees and share them on the internet.

I ran into Roberta this morning on her way home from surfing. She asked how we were doing and I said “Good!” because in most ways, Avalon and Scott and I are. I’m enjoying skateboarding. I redecorated our bedroom. The surf in February was really fun and I’m back to riding the small board I used to ride before Avalon. I’m starting to wonder if Avalon is an exceptionally good baby. She sleeps all night and takes two long naps; she says Momma and Dada and waves and claps and signs “more”; she will eat almost anything (not yogurt and not butternut squash). She had Thai food the other night and on Friday she ate mahi mahi and curry covered cauliflower like she’d been eating it her whole life. My mom and dad bragged to Kevin about it the next day. I was glad I was within earshot so I could stand there feeling proud; like I was doing something right. But, really, I know I probably deserve almost no credit for Avalon being cool; if anything, it’s something small like 20% . 

Maddie was in the hospital the last two nights and will be again tonight. She had low potassium and was dehydrated. She might have the flu. Danielle said Monday, when she was at my parent’s house to watch The Bachelor, that Maddie was sad, even though Tuesday, when I FaceTimed her, she was taking a bath and laughing with Avalon about bubbles. The chemo is terrible. The doctor said her body will be ten years older by the time she’s done. It makes things taste like metal. It makes her eyes twitch. She can’t touch or eat anything cold. She can’t eat raw fruit and vegetables. Is it like being in a concentration camp gas chamber with cable? Maybe. I hope I never know. I wish Maddie couldn’t answer that question.

All of this is to say that until Maddie is good, I’m not good. She is part of me.


  1. Been thinking of you guys. Sending your sister all our love. xx

  2. I'm thinking of you, and saying prayers. I'm having to say way too many prayers for others I know, and love, and ones that others know and love, to have the strength to battle cancer. It breaks me... it's not fair... nothing in life is fair but when stuff like this happens to such great people it gets me down. I hope that Maddie will be good, very, very soon! I know how difficult it can be to feel helpless to do much... but I will pray. ox

  3. Oh Devon, I'm so sorry things are so rough for Maddie at the moment. I hope she is feeling stronger soon and that she can come home from the hospital. Healing and being peaceful are much easier at home I think. Love the picture of Avalon, she puts me in mind of you. So great that she is an easy baby and that she's enjoying the food you guys have - that will really make things so much easier. Sending you a hug, and my very best wishes for Maddie. CJ xx

  4. Thinking of you, Devon; sending healing vibes Maddie's way too xx

  5. Praying for can write so so well and it makes me feel like a close friend. I'm sure your baby is a good baby because you're a fabulous mama...positive!

  6. Avalon sounds like such a delightful little one. How precious. :)

    I'm so sorry to hear about Maddie's difficult days. Cancer sucks.

  7. Thoughts and prayers for you all. I'm so glad you have Avalon through all of this. Having Gracie is what always helps me regain perspective.


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