Thursday, January 21, 2016

Walks and Waves

I do something every morning that I haven't done since high school. I put on makeup. I barely ever used to bother because I liked the "natural" look and I knew I was going to surf at some point, so it would be a waste to spend time showering or putting on something that was inevitably going to wash away. 

That was before, when I was tanner and had beach blonde hair and a more toned stomach. It's actually kind of nice waking up, showering quickly and singing songs to Avalon while I brush both of our hair and then put blush and mascara on myself. If anyone was to come to the door before 10:00 a.m., I wouldn't even have to army crawl past the front window to put clothes on and brush my teeth.

Lately, the waves have been as big as houses. It's exciting, especially when watching from the beach, but also occasionally frustrating when I want to paddle out on the weekends and I have to wrestle with the waves and my confidence. 

I try to be nice to everyone when I'm surfing. Or, at the very least, I try to keep to myself.  But I surf a lot less than I used to; the color of my hair tells that story itself. So when I'm out, I'm on a mission. Like a dog chasing a tennis ball. 

Two weekends ago I wasn't surfing too well and the surf was terrible. This dude got in my way twice and then looked right at my eyes as he dropped in on me on the only good wave I got. My anger crawled right out of my throat. Except, instead of saying anything coherent or quick-witted like Don Draper or some other well scripted anti-hero, I said something completely moronic and irrational. "I have to go! And I've barely been out here! That was supposed to be my last wave and it was a good one and now I have to paddle back out and get another one and I know it's going to be crappy!"

My parents and Scott and Maddie and Andy all thought this was equally funny and ridiculous. Andy said that maybe he was too afraid to surf with me now.  

Every evening, rain or shine or gigantic ocean waves, Avalon and I walk to the beach. We listen to music out loud on my phone. I hold it near her and say things like "Zee Avi, she's good. "

It's funny to me how much this time period is similar to my experience of high school. There are so many of us probably feeling the same things while we're doing the same thing: watching the sunset, and yet we don't even say hi to each other. I'm trying put more confidence into my 'hellos'. Even if someone doesn't say hi back, like this one Scroogey old lady who literally had a banner that said "Spread Love and Joy to All!" in her window even though she practically spit on me when I walked by, it's still worth it. Sometimes, at some point on our walk, I end up feeling bad for myself even though these walks are one of the best things I've ever done. Almost every day I invite someone to come with me and no one can ever go. So it's just Avalon and me and the music and the sunset. But maybe that's the way I want it anyway.

I see people on their way home from work, pulling into their driveways and I wonder who's waiting for them once they get in the door. 

We watch the huge waves explode on the outer reefs, then rush onto the beach, taking more sand away with them. I miss the feeling of nature pressing against me; the way it feels when a wave crashes on your head or what it's like having the whole ocean beneath your feet. It's kind of like the ocean and I have somewhat of a long distance relationship now. But as I walk Avalon along the beach each evening in her carrier, nature is pressing against me in a different way I love even more.


  1. Your evening beach walks sound absolutely blissful. And I love that you're being one of those lovely friendly people who smiles and says hello. Hello back. CJ xx

  2. =) you're the best mom! Love this!

  3. I love your writing! You are so inspiring!! :)

  4. So jealous of your evening beach walks. Gracie and I would go with you every day if we could.

    Zee Avi IS really good :)

  5. I love that you say "hello" to people as you pass! That's such an underrated thing to do!

  6. I feel the same way as I am out and about with Petra...always trying to strike up a conversation with people and it seems so one-sided. But it makes me feel better to talk to people, even if they're strangers, so I just stick with it.


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