Thursday, January 28, 2016

The Troll Under the Golden Gate Bridge

{two journal entries from my trip to San Francisco last weekend for Basia's birthday}

SAN FRANCISCO Friday, January 22nd, 2016

I don’t know why I’ve had bad luck traveling to San Francisco lately, but here I am again, heading north on an airplane thinking: this trip will be hard, but this trip will be beautiful (please, let it be beautiful).

My first flight was cancelled and now this flight has been delayed four hours. I’m sitting with my seatbelt fastened watching videos on my phone of Nicole and Kate and Nell and Steph surprising Basia for her birthday instead of being there to pop out to surprise (scare) her myself with the troll mask I stuffed into the overhead compartment. It is what it is, right? That statement comes in handy a lot. It always reminds me of my mom and how Scott’s Aunt Liz remembered my mom saying it when she was sweeping up a broken heirloom the day after our wedding was at my parent’s house.

You know how going the the grocery store or to Target or to the mall is way more fun with someone else? I love going to the doctor's with people. At least if you have something terrible happen, like when Maddie heard she was going to have to go to three doctor's appointments each week during her chemo treatments, you have someone to laugh with when you see something crazy like a sleeping man banging his head over and over again against the waiting room wall while he snores.

I wish Scott was here with me on this airplane so he could have laughed when I said “Oh, look! They do have ice!” to the lady next to me who absolutely did not hear me. Or when I dropped the cap to my water bottle and it rolled three isles away and wedged under the bare foot of a sleeping seven foot dude hanging his legs into the isle.

Scott is staying at home with Avalon this weekend while my college roommates and I visit Basia at her house in San Francisco. He was so excited about his daddy/daughter weekend, I couldn’t convince him to come no matter how hard I tried (I even replaced the words “of the year” with “to go to San Francisco” in the song “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” and sang it for three days). This is my first time traveling without Avalon. I mean, obviously I traveled without her before she was created, but I’m totally going to be one of those people and say it seems like I can’t remember what life was like before she was here. But is that really true? No. I have a really good memory, it’s one of my longest standing gifts, and I remember distinctly what I was like as a seven year old and a ten year old and a fifteen year old and on and on. But even at all of those ages, I dreamed of being a mom, and now that I really am one and I get to use the public changing table and have a real diaper bag, there’s no going back. I don’t want to. I’m happiest when I think about how I get to be a mom forever. And I want to be a mom wherever I go. But, well, this weekend is about Scott being a dad. And this weekend is about celebrating Basia and friendships that last. And I can still be a mom while all of this is going on. And, best of all…I get to be a mom who drinks a few cocktails and sleeps in.

Sunday, January 24th, 2016

I’m home. All my fears about not being able to function without my family turned out to be just as dramatic and untrue as that time I thought a cat was going to kill me in my front yard. When I left for college, I found an extension of my family in Stephanie, Kate, Nell, Nicole and Basia and that’s still the case now.

The hardest part of the trip was when Basia’s back went out after brunch and she could barely walk home.

The most beautiful parts of the trip were meeting Nicole’s son, drinking pig flavored beer at brunch (described on the menu as “smoked bacon flavor”), talking until 4:30 a.m. while sharing an air mattress with Steph, walking the color wall alley with Kate, Nell, Bash and Phil that had at least 40 colorful murals, taking polaroid pictures with the troll head, pumping in the airport mother’s room with Nell and nursing Avalon in her carseat on the way home.


  1. Sounds like a fantastic weekend. No doubt Scott and Avalon had a good time too. And no doubt it was lovely to get home too. CJ xx

  2. I love your writing. It honestly captivates me. I have been reading since forever but never have commented, and I just wanted to tell you that!

    1. Thank you Miranda! That means so much! Thank you for reading <3

  3. "I want to be a mom wherever I go." <---yessss. You always say what I'm thinking, but so much better. I'm so glad you had this trip and that it went well.

  4. I'm glad you ended up having a great weekend even though you had to be away from your family. It can be hard to be away from your people so I'm glad you had fun with your friends-who-are-like-family. :)


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