Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Dear Sprout,


Dear Sprout,

Today you have diaper rash. It makes you wake up in the middle of your naps and cry actual tears. Sometimes that makes me cry actual tears too. This parenting thing is way harder than I thought it would be and I thought it would be hard. When I get overwhelmed, I just watch your body rise and fall with each quick breath and think about how nice it is to witness you living your life. We wanted you so badly. I also think about random things like how much harder it would be if you were part of a set of triplets or if we were Jewish and you were born during the Holocaust while we had to be in hiding, fearing for our lives every time you cried. It makes me feel lucky that all we're dealing with at the moment is sleep deprivation and irritated skin. 

You are two weeks old today. You are calmed when I hold you (for the most part). Your birth story spanned three days, so each Monday afternoon we've had together I think about how I called your dad at work to tell him I was having contractions and he didn't answer. Then I had to call your Aunt Danielle to find him in the halls of our family business. I believe I jokingly said, "Can you find him and then kick him in the face!" On Tuesday afternoons I think about how on the Tuesday before you were born my water broke in the middle of a summer thunder storm. I was talking to your Nonnie on the phone and exclaimed "Wait, hold on! I'm involuntarily peeing on the couch!" before I realized what was actually happening. No one ever says childbirth is funny, but parts of yours are to me. 

I let you sleep diaper free today to help heal things. I have been sitting next to your bassinet armed with a wet wash cloth so I can clean you off quickly. We drift in and out of sleep together. Sometimes I dream about the light in your eyes.

If anyone asks, this is where I'll be for now. It's ok. I know everything is right. We've got time to figure it out.

Love,
Me, your mom

--
p.s. Thank you all for your messages! We feel overwhelmed by your love and support!

19 comments:

  1. You're doing a great job, mama! Hang in there and cling to those magical moments with Avalon. :)

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    1. Thanks Lindsay, such good advice.

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  2. Oh Devon, you convey thoughts so well. Mixed emotions of early parenthood. Real sadness over your child's suffering, but also gratefulness to know that these are the worst things you're dealing with. Keep at it, mama! You got this!

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    1. Thanks Rach! I appreciate the encouragement.

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  3. What a beautiful photo. I hope the skin heals soon, it sounds like you're doing really well. Such a lovely post. CJ xx

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    1. Things are looking better now! Thanks CJ. Can't wait to pop over to your blog and catch up once I have a minute.

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  4. A year later and I am still trying to figure it out. Although tiring, those first few weeks are amazing, caring for your new life. You are already a great mom!

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    1. That's so sweet Leah, thanks. I bet there's always something we have to learn and figure out as parents.

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  5. I am learning through you on all of this. We are planning to start our family, hopefully before the end of the year I will be pregnant. (This just hit me, because this is the first time I've put this in writing.. it still makes me nervous, so thank you for sharing all the positives and the tough moments too). oxox PS I hope your couch is ok? ;)

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    1. Woohoo and yay! So excited for you! both! I know you'll be a great mom, Kelly. Couch was already pretty tattered, but it soldiers on.

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  6. I love how you give such weight and importance to even the simplest moments. Your writing is so beautiful, and this picture of you and Avalon is so sweet:) I'm sure she already knows what a wonderful mom she has:)

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    1. Thanks Kari. Your words always mean so much.

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  7. So sweet!! (& put some coconut oil on her bum - it'll help!)

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    1. I've heard that. I'll have to try it. I love the more natural options. Thanks Hilary!

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  8. So beautifully written, this made me really emotional. Congrats again to you and whole family. Hugs.

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    1. Thanks Sini! It's good to hear from you! I hope you've been well.

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  9. This photo and post are so sweet and beautiful! So many feelings reaching through the computer screen :) Congratulations again Devon, I hope you're (all) doing well. x

    PS: you and Scott picked a gorgeous name for this wee baby girl.

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  10. This photo... sigh. I hope that you print it and frame it. Beautiful

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