Thursday, May 7, 2015

Might as Well


It's almost as though I didn't expect the seasons to come the same way. Like I thought everything would be different now just because my life was suddenly becoming so different. But May so far has been just as grey as always and even the end of April had showers despite the lack of lowered jet stream. This is not a complaint, though. 

Sprout is almost here. Everyone tells me so, and I absorb this information and nod my head as if, of course, I know, but sometimes I'm not sure I really do. Maybe my knowing comes in other ways like how my senses have been taking in everything lately; the smell of hot lint that the dryer spits out of the vent and onto the back porch, the taste of the salt that sticks to my upper lip, the way Scott's beard feels on my face, the smell of jasmine whirling in the air in the supermarket parking lot when I'm trying not to get run over by an old lady, the scratching sound of warm water wax across a new surfboard, the way inanimate objects seem to look back at you.

Life is so seriously overwhelming sometimes. And when I have random crying spells about it I sincerely regret buying the kleenex infused with Vicks Vapor Rub. At least the fact that they make my eyes feel like they're leaking fire always makes me laugh. 

There is more laughing than crying. I threw balls of wadded up paper into the opened pocket planner of an obnoxious man speaking into his cell phone on the train as if he was making an announcement to everyone about emergency exits. He said things like "Because I'm the boss, that's why!" and "You don't have time for dessert when I'm calling!" And then there's Dave sending me videos of surf anti-hero Christian Fletcher attending the funeral of one of his closest friends. "What a psycho," he says. "How about just roll your friend's bones up and smoke 'em like it's the formalist thing in the world." And then I'm the loudest person on the train snort-laughing like Maureen used to. Even now when it seems like death is surrounding me, begging me to acknowledge it and embrace it like I try to with life, I'm still laughing. And I think, I might as well. 


p.s. the pictures at the beach are from when I met my long-time blog friend Kari and her friend Kate while they were in town. 
p.p.s. thought I'd post a link to these beautiful empathy cards made by cancer survivor Emily Mcdowell in this post. I wish I'd seen them sooner.

6 comments:

  1. Appreciate your perspective on things. That quote about the surfer and Dave made me laugh too. Just goes to show how bizarre life can be. Everyone has a different way to live it.

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  2. Devon! You look amazing and beautiful. I love the photo of you in your wetsuit with Sprout. No doubt that your sense do become heightened when your pregnant. Everything does. I've missed visiting here. I'm so excited for you and Scott!

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  3. It was SO wonderful to meet you in person, Devon!! Thank you for showing us your part of the world through your eyes. This impending deadline is strange. It seems like it's like a train speeding towards me and also like it's taking it's sweet time all at once. At least you have everything ready for little Sprout's arrival! The nursery is just adorable and perfect for your baby to grow! Enjoy this time and all the fits of laughing and crying that come with it:)

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  4. Thanks for sharing the link to those cards. There is a definite lack of cards appropriate for serious situations like that.

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  5. I almost can't decide if I find it comforting during times of change that the seasons remain the same. I fluctuate between thinking "how can you be the same when everything else is different?" and being so thankful to have it as a constant since no matter what happens they will always remain as they are. I also see them as a reminder that all seasons (both in weather and in life) change and that is inevitable.

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    1. I think I end up settling on the second feeling, being thankful to have seasons as a constant, but I think what you said about understanding that seasons in weather and life change inevitably is the most important part. Scott's Aunt Liz thinks of the phases of life as seasons too and I love that. Thanks for sharing your insight Julia. I appreciate it a lot.

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