Thursday, October 2, 2014

Copy Machines are Freaky

The copy machine at work is really intimidating to me. First of all, I know it could totally crush me if it wanted to; the thing's got to be twelve-hundred pounds. Secondly, there are a number of people in my family that work at this office and I know I will embarrass all of them by breaking anything in it or drawing too much attention to myself. I try not to think about this too much, though. It's best not to envision catastrophic prophecies you could fulfill. 

So I walk up to the copier like I've worked in an office all my life (even though I've only worked there one day a week for less a than a year). How would it know the difference? It asks for my pin number, which I remember, and then gives me an error message saying something about a paper jam in tray four. I'm freaked out and rolling my eyes, but remind myself that I wasn't born in the 1800s and bend down to open the tray and remove the crumpled sheet of paper from the machine's grasp like the picture on the screen tells me to. The error message disappears, but then 700 sheets of paper begin to spit out the other end for what seems like forever.

My sister walks down the hall next to the copy room and smiles at me through the paned glass. I look panicked on purpose so she will come in and help me and because I actually am. "What is it doing?" she asks of the printer spewing paper.  "I don't know! Printing like an entire encyclopedia or preparing to explode!" I tell her, because I am dramatic. 

I attempt to look at one of the sheets to see if I can see if it's printing the same page over and over again, but then the next one bumps into it and folds up, then the next one after that and the next one after that until they all start falling on the floor in a matter of seconds. My sister looks horrified and walks out to find out who might be printing this stack of super important former trees. 

Turns out it's a financial report and I better not un-organize it. 

I try to get all the papers back in the right order, make my six copies and get the heck out of there

In other office news, I also don't know the appropriate amount of pressure to apply when using a return address stamp. 


my dad explaining something else apparently kind of baffling to me.
There is something kind of exciting about not knowing how do to something, though. 

16 comments:

  1. I can totally relate to this! We have a few printers and copy machines on my floor. Whenever I print to one and there's a paper jam, I just try to print to another one, because before I've spent way too much time trying to fix those crazy machines. I'm sure everyone does this, though, because soon all the printers are jammed. Then you just see one, sad person who felt inclined to try to fix the original jam. No one stops by to help her, because we don't want to be roped in to trying to fix it. In fact, a coworker just stopped by complaining about the printer putting all these large dark lines on the page so you can't even see what you printed:) We need printer and copier experts on speed dial:) It's like that one episode of the Office where they get a new copier, and Pam decides she's going to read through the manual and figure out everything there is to know about it. Luckily your sister is around to help, too:)

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    1. For some evil reason I'm kind of giggling thinking about that one sad person trying to fix the freaking thing. I guess I can relate, ha! Having a copy machine expert on hand at all times is a good idea.

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  2. This cracked me up. I've worked in an office since I graduated college and the copier STILL baffles me!

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    1. That makes me feel better Hilary, haha, thank you :)

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  3. Copiers are the bane of my life - and yet I work at a company where we sell them to people. At least we do at the downtown store. Thankfully my only copier deals are meant for printing digital jobs, and I usually have to struggle with it when it jams or needs toner. Have you ever seen Office Space... I feel about our color copier they way they do about that darn fax machine. I wish I could take it out to a field with a baseball bat at least 3x a week. CHEERS TO OFFICE DUTIES! :)

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    1. The bane of life..lol. Office Space..I tried to watch it once in college and didn't really get the jokes, I think I need to watch it now that I have some experience in an actual office!

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  4. This post has me smiling over here as I feel the same way about copiers. No matter how long you have worked in an office they still feel completely intimidating. The worst is when there is a line of people waiting to use it and something goes wrong. There are just too many buttons and functions, offices should hire a full time copy expert to handle it all. ha

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    1. Glad to know I am not alone! The line situation sounds miserable.

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  5. Brute force is the name of the game when it comes to photocopiers. Show it who's boss. And with the address stamp, I'm very precise, it has to be pressed with ALL of my might, every last corner has to print crisply. But that's just me... I love the photo of you and your dad, how lovely that he's still teaching you things. I hope it was a good week Devon. And that it will be followed by a good weekend. CJ xx

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    1. See... this is the theory I had about the address stamp: brute force. But it made the ink bleed and the address barely legible. Hope you have had a good week as well CJ. I know your story about the jam made me laugh :)

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  6. so awesomely hilarious. i think some people have a gene for xerox machines and some don't. i'm with the latter as well ;)

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  7. We have around 4-5 copiers at work placed on each floor but they all decide to go on a strike at once - mass strike ! Huh ! And i guess it's a very common symptom now and people are used to it . The floor faculty / supervisors take their own sweet time to notice that isn't working. The moment I discover that a copier isn't working I just try and move out of that space and save myself some shame before anybody discovers that i don't know how to fix it - if not fix, I am atleast supposed to know how to atleast handle it in a civilized way as opposed to my crude ways of pressing all buttons blindly , pulling out parts .....and kicking it.

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    1. It seems like get the heck out of there is a common feeling people have around crazy copy machines. Funny to picture all those copiers at your office going on strike at once! (although probably totally annoying too).

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  8. I hate copiers and printers. They all have it out for me. You're not alone. They smell fear. Cute photo of you & your dad.

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