Tuesday, November 5, 2013

In My Head


I've been needing to stretch much more often than I ever used to. I guess I've been needing to do a few things I'm not used to doing lately. Sometimes I'm happy about the new challenges, sometimes I'm crying on the couch. 

I ran in to one of the girls I used to work with on Halloween. When I left that job two years ago, we weren't on the best of terms. I had given her a letter detailing all the things I liked about her before I decided the ocean was to be the only co-worker I'd have for a little while. When I handed it to her, she said absolutely nothing and then unfriended me on Facebook. I was pretty sure she hated my guts and that she might try to punch me if I ran in to her in town because of this story she told me once, but she didn't. 

She had actually messaged me a few months ago making peace. It was the closure I had always needed from a chapter of my life that seemed unfinished. When I saw her, it was just like seeing an old friend.

Sometimes I wish I could take certain thoughts right out of my head. It's not that easy, but if it were, I would have removed the worries about this former co-worker despising and attacking me. How irrational that all seems in the calm of reconciliation. 

On Friday, Scott and I got dressed and walked to a local surf shop party. I enjoyed the distraction after a difficult day of work. We walked there as the fog came in, just like it had earlier during our surf session. We passed this grom we surf with riding his skateboard and talking on the phone. We overheard him say, "What are you doing right now? You're peeing on your computer?" as he skated past. Then the sound of Somewhere Over the Rainbow came singing out of a window from someone's piano. Sometimes the collision of opposites can be funny. 

At the party, Scott met people and I watched people at first. Then I had a few beers and the local restaurant that was catering the event made me my very own tofu burrito to go with it. I approve of their new management. 

We talked to our neighbor Mike and I happened to run into another co-worker from the preschool. Among other things, she told me she was happy I made the decision to quit my job and follow my passions. She told me she had a time where she did something similar. She told me it contributed to her understanding of life. 

I always admired and respected this teacher, but I wasn't sure what she thought of me. One time, in our first year working at the same school, she forgot my name when she introduced me to someone, so I wasn't sure it was anything. But that wasn't true either. 

In between conversations and sips of beer, I figured that some of the assumptions I was currently suffering from were just as unrealistic. Sitting under a broken heat lamp, I hoped that this time I've spent carving my own path was leading to my own understandings of life too. 


7 comments:

  1. What a great post Devon, and I love that page of your notebook. I know exactly what you mean about continuing to dwell on things that are long past. You are very acute in your knowledge of yourself already I think. Although I always find it's two very different things to know what you should do and to be able to actually do it. I hope you have a good week Devon, and that you stay strong and get through the changes in your life.

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    1. Thanks CJ. I think you make a good point: it's one thing to know what you should do, it's another thing to actually do it. I hope you have a good week too.

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  2. I'm glad you got the closure you were looking for. I crave closure, too, because it does really help in letting things go. I love that line in your journal that says "what other people do is never about you". I started realizing this over the past few years, too. I build it up in my head that someone doesn't like me or take offense when they don't include me in something, only to realize later that I had gotten it wrong. Everyone has their own burdens they're trying to work through and sometimes can't see how their actions affect others. You're very advanced in this "life" stuff. I bet a lot of people don't even think about this stuff or realize it. Hope you have a great night!:)

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    1. I've been thinking of that line "what other people do is never about you" for a while. My mom reminds me of it often, but sometimes it's still hard not to take things personally. It's kind of like what CJ said, knowing something and doing something can be so separate. But at least if you are aware of that idea, it can help make letting things go a lot easier.

      I'm not sure how advanced I am at this life stuff; I feel like there's something I'm doing wrong just about every day, but I really appreciate your note :) Thanks Kari. I think you know a lot about life too.

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  3. I know that "unfinished" feeling you're talking about -- and then making peace. It is an odd situation, but I'm glad it seems to have given you exactly what you needed from it.

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    1. The unfinished feeling can be so hard to bear, but the peace that comes with resolution is something that stays with you, I think. Thanks Lindsay.

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  4. "What other people do is never about you." Did I ever need this today...Thanks for sharing as always, Devon. I'm glad you got your closure. I know I'm a few weeks behind on this, but I think I found it just when I needed it.

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