On the way to Chicago I finally found some more of the peace I have been searching for. How this came to me on a plane of all places, is rather odd, but it did. I'm not terribly anxious about flying, but I do entertain a few worries associated with being airborne I consider rather rational. Anyways, maybe it had to do with being forced to do nothing but sit there and reflect and read; maybe it had to do with surrendering control over my life to someone else. When you consider the fact that I totally believe in God, it seems silly that I don't forgo this control more often. Either way, I felt free up there and this feeling stuck with me throughout the weekend. Aside from a bout of anxiety that seemed to sneak into my pillowcase last night and keep me awake, I am feeling more relaxed lately when it comes to dealing with what comes my way.
On a walk on the second day of the trip I confessed to my friends Basia and Kate that even though this summer has been jam packed, I have still managed to feel rather lonely. I typically attribute this to some personal weakness, but it felt good to talk about nevertheless. This is not to say that Scott hasn't been there for me in anyway possible. I think he spends more time trying to make sure that everything is fine with me than he does with anything else. That guy is something else and I still have trouble understanding how he manages to be so selfless at nearly all times. My mom's another person I find never-ending comfort in. How she isn't sick of hearing about my every thought by now is beyond my understanding. Even with all of this support, and the constant love of family I am ever-thankful for and couldn't probably function without, I still have been confused about a few of my own feelings lately. It felt so good to see my friends this weekend in Chicago for Nell's wedding; it felt like cuddling a comfort blanket that automatically makes everything in life seem less heavy.
As far as weddings go, Nell's was just what you'd want. I honestly haven't been to a wedding I haven't liked. Maybe this means I don't have a very discerning pallet when it comes to these of celebrations of love, but I think that the reason is, when it comes to people you love making a promise to each other forever, there can be nothing but happiness and good vibes surrounding the occasion. The dancing and music were great, the fireworks were awesome and they even had a 'smores station (with the option of adding Reece's peanut butter cups to them!). Nell looked so happy with her new husband Keelan, who I am happy to say I definitely trust with my friend's heart.
One of the nights I actually got kicked out of the hotel bar. When I mentioned this in a text to Kate the next morning, she replied "it must be pretty hard to get kicked out of a bar in the hotel you are staying...". Actually, all you have to do is not wear your shoes (and be a little sassy about it). It's good to be back home and barefoot, but I really do hope a reunion with my best friends won't be too far off. I've always known I need them, but I really see now how they are a part of who I am. They are a part of this puzzle that makes up my life. Without them, there would undoubtably be missing pieces (and missing peace :).
p.s. did you see Scott cut his hair? Your suggestions were either really funny or very useful.
p.p.s. If you read this, or read this blog: thanks. thanks bunches and tons. thanks for being there for me, listening to me and being friends. I consider you guys a part of this puzzle of my life too.