(somedays I listen to songs over and over again; today it's this one)
On friday night Basia flew into town. Thank goodness for this, and I mean that for a number of reasons. 1) she's one of my best friends. She lives in the bay area now, but ours is one of those relationships that never really changes despite distance and the passing of time. 2) there was a dog birthday party this weekend and try and give me one good reason why you wouldn't go to one of those (unless, maybe, you're allergic)? Basia's even scared of dogs and still made the 500 mile flight down (and Maddie stopped by too!). Third, I got laid-off from one of my jobs on Thursday and needed some comforting.
Winston-the-dog's birthday was more than just a bunch of dog's running around sniffing each other's butts. Basia dropped a whole hamburger on the white carpet and I spilled some red wine. Stephanie and I got some time to discuss our working situations before we ate our veggie burgers. We also took a group picture with mostly everyone except Ben who always asks why he isn't featured on my blog more. It was his choice, though, to miss being in that picture above. I think it went something like this: be featured on The Mermaid Chronicles or go to the Galaxy soccer game? I see how it is. He missed seeing Winston dressed up like a unicorn, too. Next time Ben, next time.
The next morning Scott, Basia and I surfed, ate popcorn and watched our football teams lose. The weather was so perfect I started wondering if I liked fall more than summer (and I've exclusively thought of myself as a summer girl since I had a crappy school year in third grade). I kept trying to tell Basia how fall-like it felt. She was entirely unconvinced that 70º temperatures meant fall until we saw some grapes being harvested at a local winery and tried cider beer, pulling sweaters over our shoulders once the sun went down.
Last Thursday when I got that aforementioned bad news I thought I might not want to talk about it at all with my friends. For the first few hours after I found out that the family I nanny for wouldn't need me now that Kai is in school all that materialized were thoughts from the practical part of my mind. How am I going to supplement that income? What new job makes sense with the other jobs I do? Once hour three hit, the emotional part of my brain (easily the more dominant) kicked in and I realized that the impending goodbye would be far more painful. I thought this pain stood a chance at ruining the weekend, but it ended up staying away just like the clouds in the weather forecast. Being surrounded by people I love tends to make all my worries feel smaller, I was reminded.
It won't be easy to embrace this change, but I have to remember that this is how it's supposed to be and battling the order of things is kind of like trying to stay up past your bedtime: you'll inevitably grow tired fighting against something that you need.
Some things are a little out of sorts right now. To add insult to injury, Scott got a ticket on the way home from work right after I told him I was going to lose my job. But my mom tells me this is just a part of my journey and Basia says that it's better to have loved Kai than to never've met him at all and Scott tells me it's going to be ok and of course, they are right.