Thursday, September 12, 2013

"Don't Worry, It's Only Life"

     
     I feel it might be time to send summer a decent farewell. It's pretty hot around here still and the water's warm, but I know any day now I'll wake to crisp air and cold waves and that will be fine too. It's been hard for me to really process all the events that have graced our calendar this summer. I am hoping my fondness and appreciation for them will grow and surface again in time. I'm counting on fall to help me sort through it all. It's been quite the busy summer, I know I've waxed about this at length, and I've honestly been rather apprehensive of the fact that this might just be how life is now that Scott and I have combined friends, families and schedules, but I'm hoping that with some cool weather and shorter, more structured days that a bit of solitude and calmness will return to our lives. 

    One of the best things that has ever happened to me happened this summer. We went to the Seychelles to celebrate my dad's 60th birthday. That was awesome. He was stoked and our whole family really came together to not only celebrate my dad, but to celebrate each of our unique differences. Scott and I honored our two year wedding anniversary by camping down at San Onofre during a decent south swell, we worked on the house together a lot, visited the lake with Scott's family and even went sailing with a wise neighbor-friend; friends came in and out of town and so did we. And all of this was lovely, it was more than that, it shaped us and brought us together, but with the highs of this season I like to call my favorite, the opposite is inevitable. It's just the way life likes to be, I think. In all the commotion of driving here and flying there, there were times where I was left feeling like I wasn't doing enough. Like I couldn't be everything I wanted for everybody.

     There was one day last week, last Saturday to be specific, where the confident side of my personality wasn't prevailing and I gave in to my anxieties. In this moment it felt painfully obvious that I missed my sister's birthday because I was out of town, I felt like I'd been a pretty angsty wife as a result of our over-booked schedule and after talking to my mom on the phone, I was pretty sure my whole family thought I was selfish (she called back and reassured me that wasn't true). 

     Following all of this, I managed to get up (I was laying on the wood floor in our room cuddling my stuffed dragon) to drive myself in Scott's old Volvo to Anaheim for my Great Aunt's 92nd birthday (he took my car to Lake Mead for a bachelor party). About ten minutes into the drive the air conditioning stopped working and the thought of being in a hot moving metal oven caused me to immediately roll down all the windows to allow the 90ยบ air to blow my hair around. Of course, this made it impossible for me to hear the music playing out of my i-phone sitting in the adjacent cup holder (the CD player is on the list of broken things too). And, because I felt that music was the only thing helping me keep it together in this moment, I moved my iphone from the cup holder to my shoulder and there it perched singing to me for the remainder of the drive.

     Finally, after a few minutes of sitting sweat-soaked on faux sheepskin seat covers driving up the I-5, I pictured what I looked like and started laughing (which probably made me look even crazier!) and I could feel the bright spots in my life again; the humor, the love, and the things I haven't totally screwed up this summer. Sometimes you just need to feel like you are doing something right and in some heat-induced state of delirium I felt I was. I was trying. And sometimes, that's all you can do. Life is short, life is funny, life is tough, but you just have to keep going. We all know this on some level, but you just have to do it; find the good and keep on moving forward. As my mom says "don't worry so much, it's only life."

(one of the songs I was listening to in the volvo that day and all summer)

33 comments:

  1. What a lovey summer send off...I am glad you had a wonderful summer and that you laughed off the small stuff...that is something I am still trying to teach myself. Sweating the small stuff (literally) doesn't change what is happening...but if we learn to laugh then that's what gets us through. One of my favorite quotes to remember, is from the movie "Ferris Bullers Day Off"....He says 'Don't take life to seriously, nobody gets out alive anyways" ;)

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    1. I love that quote! So good. Thanks Ashlee!

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  2. ' The staff that dreams are made of ' Beautiful photos!;-)

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  3. What beautiful photos. That one of Scott is quite amazing. And I love the first one of you in the white dress - lovely. "Life is short, life is funny, life is tough, but you just have to keep going". I read this through a few times and let it sink in. So very true. I loved this post. Glad you are still laughing.

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    1. Thanks CJ! The photo of Scott is his attempt at "leisure diving" I guess it's a thing and maybe a website? Now you might understand why he's had so many injuries :-/

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  4. i love the title of this post. your summer definitely adventurous! i wish i could spend more time to do outdoor activity.
    i feel like sometimes there are so many things to do and we don't seem to have much time to ourselves. and sometimes it makes me stress. i think that's when this title comes in.

    p.s : i really love that first photo.

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    1. :-) outdoor activity always helps me with the stress. Thanks for the sweet words Niken.

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  5. That photo of Scott is too much!!!!

    I keep hoping life will slow and calm a little bit too. I think we may get a little chill time before the busyness of the holiday season kicks in. The bigger challenge, is finding calm in the midst of the activity...something I guess I'm still working on :)

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    1. Something I'm still working on too! It's tough.

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  6. Perfect summer sendoff. This looks perfectly adventurous and adorable. I love the photos of the buffalo.
    xx Abby | a geek tragedy

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    1. I don't see them every time I go to Catalina, by when I do it's always magical. Also, thank you :)

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  7. oh wow- this sums up a lot of how i felt about my summer. i have had some times in the last few weeks lying on the floor, however, I didn't have a dragon to take hold of. thanks for the fresh breath of normalcy and inspiring me to realize it is all okay. or it will be. love your site.

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    1. The dragon helps! You should get one :) And it will be ok. I guess all I can say is you just have to get up and keep trying. Thanks for the sweet note. Sending good thoughts your way...

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  8. Gorgeous pictures, gorgeous post! Thank you for sharing :) I stumbled across this blog today for the first time, and I WILL BE BACK! :)

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    1. Thank you! And welcome! I'm glad you're here :)

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  9. Oh, Devon, I can totally relate to this. I can just picture you driving down the road all sweaty laughing to yourself:) At least you were able to find humor in the situation. That's what is so necessary to make it through this crazy life--a good sense of humor. It can be so hard at the time, though. I'm sure things will slow down for you. If not, just make up some lame excuse about being sick and stay home:)

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    1. Ha! Thanks Kari! Staying home helps sometimes too ;)

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  10. Lovely recap, and completely relatable! I desperately want that mermaid dishtowel....

    http://6000milestohome.blogspot.com/

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    1. Thank you! The towel's from anthro and last I checked they still had it!

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  11. I love this post...and the photos of course. It was a clear gratitude of the fading summer, yet an homage to the coming season. I am also ready for the calming rivers of fall and I hope that it brings everything into balance for you and your family!

    -Chymere Anais
    www.chymere-anais.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks Chymere! I think with a little down time more clarity will come. Glad you're looking forward to the coming season too :)

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  12. I really love this post Devon (and the photos!). I've been feeling similarly. It's been a crazy busy summer and I feel like the pendulum has swung way to the other side and I find myself starting to give in to the anxieties and blues. I love the story about driving up to your Great Aunt's birthday because really, those moments of delirium and absurdity are so important sometimes. Hope you are able to find some quiet and calm.

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  13. There's a Shins song called "It's Only LIfe" too. It's excellent. I think you'd like it if you haven't heard it already.

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  14. Awesome post! You write so beautifully that sometimes I read something of yours and feel like crying. Today, this: "I was trying. And sometimes, that's all you can do. Life is short, life is funny, life is tough, but you just have to keep going." almost did it for me. I've been going through a rough time and trying to figure out my life, that thoughts about my future and everything that is currently going wrong take control and it becomes so overwhelming. Yet, I'm not curled up in bed dwelling on it. I wake up and I try. Everyday, I try. You're right....trying is all we can do. I am sorry you were feeling the way you were but sharing it with us gave me comfort and I thank you for that. It reminds me that we ALL feel this way at times.

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  15. exactly!
    life will happen despite all we have going on sometimes.
    i'm so ready for fall.
    SO READY.
    You really have made some beautiful memories this summer.
    Here's to hoping your next season is just as full as the one before ;)

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  16. Wow, what a summer! I had a baby (early and unexpectedly) in May and I felt like the summer with him flew by MUCH faster than I wanted it to. :(

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  17. I am SO jealous that you went to the Seychelles, talk about a dream destination!

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  18. I know I tell you constantly, but I want your life. Love this post. And the song. And you <3

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  19. Lovely post from a lovely heart to close up the long days of summer. For all the excitement, I hope you do find more serene moments for letting everything sink in and to just enjoy being for a while.

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  20. Loved this. Felt the same way many times this summer when I missed things because I was traveling.

    Love your mermaid napkins!

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  21. I can totally empathize with everything you said! And of course we didn't think you were selfish. What beautiful words, Devie. Makes me feel like I'm not alone with my anxieties.

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  22. Beautiful post! I totally agree sometimes you just have to let go and laugh it out.

    I hope it's okay to ask, but I was curious what kind of lens do you use for your wide angle shots? Is it a fisheye? It's so interesting to see the perspective on those.

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