Monday, September 30, 2013

Awakening Dreams

I should mention my mom helped me dig this out of the trash because I wanted to keep it
     This weekend I spent a bit of time thinking about the future, which is a change for me as I usually spend a fair amount of time reflecting on the past. As sad as I am to say goodbye to my current job, my excitement for new opportunities is growing all the time. What if I could write for the newspaper? Be an extra in a Hollywood movie! HELP ASTRONAUTS BUILD A SPACESHIP! (ok, only some of these things are realistic).

     On Saturday I drafted an email to a family potentially looking for help with their preschooler. When I had finished, I asked Scott what I should put as the email subject. He said "Call it 'Children Make Great Foot Rests". I went with "Potential Nanny Position". He's a funny one, that Scott. Later that day he took some photos of me surfing and messed with different camera settings. Then we went home and ate a bunch of popcorn. 

     On Sunday I woke up a little more melancholy than the day before. Following these dreams of mine hasn't exactly been easy, especially not lately. I had to fight off more potential dream-related bad news that arrived in the form of a phone call on Thursday and by Sunday I was feeling discouraged. In the middle of all of this, I found myself sitting in church for the first time in months. And while I'm certainly not about to preach to you about anything, something the priest said stuck with me. You know that (kind of creepy) prayer "If I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take..."? Well the priest started saying it "If I wake before I die" and while I was worrying he was having a senior moment of sorts he proved me entirely wrong. He explained "that is my greatest wish for you--to wake before you die; to live a great and beautiful life full of awakening moments." And that really stayed with me. I think I'm hungry for more awakening moments and I hope whatever I find in the future will bring them. 

     Sunday night we went to my parent's house to eat Chinese food and watch the finale of Breaking Bad with the whole gang (all I can say about the ending is wow). My fortune cookie told me Happier days are definitely ahead for you. Struggle has ended. I believe some of this is true and some of it isn't. Life is a never ending struggle of sorts, doesn't it seem? I think that's what makes it worthwhile. But I do believe happier days are always ahead. And although I'll admit that recently I have worried I'm foolish for being a dreamer, I'm back to being happy for my dreams and where they've taken me, even with the struggles.

    Now I'm sitting here writing this all down on a crisp Monday morning as fog pours in through the double doors in the living room. I think I'll have some Chinese food before I set out to pursue these awakening dreams (and make a new resume! It's been a while...)

13 comments:

  1. I'm not particularly religious but what a profound statement made by your priest. "Awakening moments ..." Definitely food for thought on this Monday. Sorry to hear about you losing your job!! I'm sending good vibes your way in hopes that something pans out!!!

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    1. It totally caught me off guard and I haven't been able to stop thinking about what he said. Thanks for the well wishes Setarra!

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  2. Devon, I'm sorry there's been melancholy and an unwanted phone call. But I am sure you will find your way through this time to the happier times ahead. I think you are quite awake already when it comes to taking in life and living it to the full. I really don't think you will ever regret following your dreams. (You might regret not following them though!) Where would you like to be in five years time? Is there anything you can do now to set off down that path? I do so hope that things become more positive for your very soon. When I look at your life it does look like a happy place to be, even though there are troubles right now. Hang on in there sweetie!

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    1. Thanks CJ :) I think besides just being present and living it up, so to speak, the priest was taking about doing good for others. At least that's sort of how I took his message (probably should have mentioned that). I really want to make an effort to give back more and I hope to find some work that will allow me to spend more of my time doing that.

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  3. What an exciting time for you - embrace the change! I have a feeling that something new and fabulous will fall into your lap very soon. Good luck!

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  4. I remember reciting that prayer so often when I was younger that I'd fly through the words until they were just one long mumble. How amazing that changing around a few words could breathe new life into it. At first I laughed about what you said about the "senior moment", and then I got goose bumps, because it is so true. I could probably count the "awakening" moments I've had on two hands, but they have stuck with me throughout the years and are the moments I go back to. I love this. Hang in there, Devon. There's a reason you got that fortune and heard those words this weekend. Bright things are ahead!

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    1. Thanks Kari. I really did love the way he put that (after I realized it was intentional! :) I'm glad you've had some awakening moments in your life. Cheers to many more!

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  5. There's so much that I love about this post and the idea of awakening moments. I had a yoga teacher mention something similar with regard to his father and how before he died he had this awakening moment and was able to let so much go and be happy. And I totally agree that we need more of those in our lives but before the end. And that fortune cookie? I do think that there is so much truth in that. I'm sorry that it's been a struggle lately but I think that the struggle is part of it. Granted it tests us in ways we probably would rather not be tested but I think that it makes the breakthroughs that much sweeter.

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  6. I' get this!! I mean I get how chasing your dreams can take it out of you, and there are moments where I just wish I could throw in the towel.. I JUST got a new Pilates job and then injured my leg and had to take time off to recover, not to mention any hopes of competing in anything for the next few months is out of the question, cried some very angry tears about it but woke up this morning ready to keep fighting. Hope you're feeling stronger today, the right job will come along!!:)

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  7. Love that line Devon - Awake before you die:) I never thought of it like that before..... And it really tugs at my heart, like you said, that part of fully living is giving :) I have always loved reading your blog because of your passion for your dreams, so keep chasing them! XO think

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  8. good luck with the job hunt! ... and i'm gonna have to agree with scott on his subject line :) hahah

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  9. "Life is always a struggle of sorts" - this really struck me because I feel like I'm constantly saying to friends and family, "It's always something isn't it?" As in, just when you think you've made it over one hurdle, you stumble upon another - sometimes through no actual fault of your own. It's always something, but you have to really be grateful for the happy moments and memories, because otherwise, what is all of this for? ----- love reading your blog btw, and the pictures are always so great.

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