Monday, September 24, 2012

Derailed

     I've been excited to write lately. Really excited. I feel like I haven't taken time to jot down anything of much substance since we got back from "the trip". I've been so busy trying to settle back into my nest. At least, that's what I keep calling our house and what I'm doing, because that's exactly what it feels like. I feel I need to make this home ours again even though it was never anybody else's while we were gone. I actually went through my closet and gave things away. I never do this. I'm not unorganized about the possessions I hold onto and I honestly use most of my belongings (even the keepsakes in the garage grab a bit of my attention from time to time) so I haven't felt guilty about it, but the second we got back, I started going through things left and right, in some odd effort to feel settled again. Has this ever happened to you? Maybe it's the new season. But really, it's hard to even say it's a new season around here because it's been positively boiling and I've seen little signs of fall. None of the ones I mentioned before have become apparent. I've even been going on walks at night in the neighborhood looking for fall. In the cool of the evening, I thought the signs would be more apparent, but they are no where to be found. It will only get on my nerves if this summer lasts into October, but I have a feeling that fall is right around the corner. I think it might be here next Tuesday (I try to make predictions like this). You just have to be more patient in San Diego, and perhaps that will make its arrival all the more exciting. 
     In other news, I've been surfing my brains out. I surfed for five hours on Saturday. Not in a row, but still, I haven't been frothing like this since my last semester of college when I only had class on Tuesdays and Thursdays and therefore devoted 90% of the rest of my time to surfing. After that craze, an hour and a half of surfing per day has typically been all I've needed. Not lately. I think this has something to do with "the trip" and being away from the ocean for longer periods of time than I ever have been. I'm happy to be so motivated and psyched about surfing, but there's a downside to this, like with anything, and frothing for me isn't always a good thing. Sometimes when I get so focused on one thing it begins to rule my life and when things aren't going well with that one thing, I have trouble getting past it. 
     I have actually been known to have a bit of a one track mind from time to time and it's one of those things I have to try not to have. Don't get me wrong, a one track mind is a good thing to have at the right time. Focusing on school and grades, training for a marathonworking towards a promotion. But when it carries on and on with no end it sight, appropriate measures need to be taken to derail yourself from this single mindedness. This is what I've had to do with surfing, to a degree. Although you may not believe it actually worked considering I quit my job for it. Nevertheless, I like to think I've made some progress. 
     Over the last few years I've had to work on widening my perspective, making time for other interests and not allowing my performance in the water to dictate how I feel about myself on land. All of this was going well and I feel I live a more balanced life as a result of these efforts, but lately I've been slipping back into my old habits. For example, Saturday morning, during my first surf session, I had some of the best waves of my whole summer. I even got barreled. But on Saturday evening we surfed with some neighbors at a new spot and I kept blowing it. I fell so hard on one drop that my legs compressed into the bottom, and I was pretty far off shore. It was miserable and I was mad at myself for most of the evening over this one session. Thank goodness "The Proposal" came on TV or I might have moped around all night. On Sunday morning, I woke at 7 a.m. ready to redeem myself. Scott and I packed up the bikes in the morning haze and rode to the beach. Instead of the rippable rights I had been surfing the previous day, we were greeted by one foot slop that you could barely make out in the thick fog. I was so mad I almost cried and forced myself to go on a run to snap out of it. When I got back, Scott and I sat on the beach and I went into great detail (I tend to do this) about my feelings until I realized I needed to drop kick this one track mind immediately for the sake of our sanity. 
     As I continue to work on this aspect of myself I will keep you posted. Have you ever struggled with something similar?

12 comments:

  1. What a great piece! I've had the same problems with a one track mind and letting my progress or performance in that area affect everything else. Sometimes you've just got to get out of your own head, but easier said than done. If you figure it out, let me know.

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  2. Ok - so I am not a good surfer. But I want to be. I found an inexpensive short, 5'11" fun board over the weekend and just bought it. I was scared to take it out on the water, alone too...because it has been years since I have surfed. I always feel very intimidated! So I just did it, and I realized that this short board is very hard to handle (I know they say longboards are better for beginners, but oh well). So I took it out, I was very overwhelmed, but I made it back okay and got part of a wave . Nothing spectacular. So on a surfing state of mind, I can somewhat understand how you feel. I wish I was better and had more time to devote to practice! For now, there are so many other pressing matters....ugh. But you will be fine with whatever path you decide to take. :) great post, so inspiring. Thanks!
    Anticipationblog.blogspot.com

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  3. i love this post. i feel that way too everytime i get back to my nest after several months of travel. and it always takes some time to settle down and make it ours again. thank for this post, Devon :)
    have a great week for you

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  4. I love the honesty of this post (not that the rest of your blog is any different). I think we've all been in a rut before, so that feeling is understood. I don't know that I've ever been in the same situation as you of feeling completely focused on and emotionally affected by one thing, but I understand the feelings of frustration you're describing.

    Chin up! You're awesome!

    P.S. When you mentioned having classes only Tuesdays and Thursdays, I felt an odd nostalgia of USD!

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  5. Oh I totally get the need to clean things out. Before I had kids (read: free time) I honestly cleaned out my closets once a month--but ESPECIALLY in the fall. (The turn of seasons.)

    And I loved reading your enthusiasm about writing! Those feelings are the best!

    Love,
    Sarah
    the Reverie blog

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  6. @Taylor Hey!
    I'm stoked you're getting into surfing. Starting on a short board is tougher because they are harder to paddle and less stable when your standing, but it can be done! I mostly learned on a short board myself. Just know it's tricky to get used to the feeling of a small board and don't feel too bad if it takes you some time (not that you were). Thanks for the sweet note!

    Cheers,
    Devon

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  7. I totally understand being in a funk. Especially with surfing. I recently just went for my last time this season. I'm 6 months pregnant and the belly is finally affecting everything about my rides :( Hopefully I'll be able to be back out by my fiance and I's traditional Valentines day winter surf up here in WA! For now, I'll have to live through your posts :)

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  8. You aren't alone, at all. I think I was in some type of "we're home from our trip" denial. You see we went to the beach for a weekend in August... my suitcase has been on the floor full of clean clothing since. Last night I went ahead and emptied it, and emptied the laundry basket, and started purging my stuff that I know I don't need that someone else could use. Old tshirts that weren't sentimental and items like that. Things I know I will never wear again. And I started to put away the summer shorts - not the tanks mind you, they work great under sweaters, but still - making way for the new season and new items in your life is normal. I think lots of people go through it. I love that your home is your "nest" it's the perfect way to describe it. :)

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  9. To settle back can be really hard. Its like to go back into another world :) Love your pictures full of joy and fun!!

    look-scout.blogspot.com/

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  10. Devon, I just have to tell you that your blog has quickly become one of my favorite little places on the Internet to be :) I was clicking around the other day and saw your before and after pictures of your home and WOW! I absolutely adore what you have done! Your decor style is right up my alley.

    Anyway, back to this post. I have found myself having that one-track mind lately as well. I work so hard at something and often get so much joy out of it but when I'm not seeing growth or progress, not only does it frustrate me but it affects how I feel about everything. It's hard to just snap out of it but I will continue working to not let those rough days get me down completely. I appreciate your honesty, as always, and for being so true and easy to relate to :) By the way, doesn't The Proposal just make everything better? ;)

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  11. I totally know what you mean. Sometimes I just go on these kicks of productivity where I overhaul everything. I let myself do it because I know these are things that have needed to be done for a while, I just avoided the change. I think its a lot about self-monitoring. Sometimes you need A LOT of one thing, but when this starts to create negativity in your life then it becomes time to reassess again. I think it all goes back to growing as a person and learning certain lessons as they become relevant to your life.

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  12. @Julia D. thanks for the note(s). I've always wanted to write back to you but I wasn't sure how to contact you! I typically respond to comments via email. Anyways, you're so right, sometimes you need to reassess. My mom has a great question she always asks me when I'm struggling with something. She says "How's that working for you?" and if it clearly isn't working, I know I need to kick the habit to the curb! Thanks for all your insight!

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